When little girls carry around baby dolls and brush their hair and hold imaginary bottles to them, little do they realize what marriage and children really bring- holidays with your in-laws. Sure your own family is pretty crazy, but they’re a functional kind of crazy. Unlike your in-laws who you are sure half of the fake episodes of Jerry Springer are based off of. This is your guide for how to deal with your in-laws. Just remember that if these tips result in divorce or you being hog-tied, the author can't be held legally responsible. (but if either of those does happen please email me so that I can laugh mercilessly at you)
Alcohol, Lots and Lots of Alcohol- The easiest way to deal with the Holidays with the in-laws is to be lubricated before you hit the door.
Say What You Mean- If you think that your husband’s aunt’s stuffing tastes like puke, you have every right to say so.
Be Indiscreet- What better time to talk about the things you, your husband, and your marriage counselor have discussed than the dinner table in front of his extended family?
Talk Politics- It is your right to tell the family that you think that Barack Obama is a sellout and that Ron Paul should have been elected instead.
Announce That You Are an Atheist- Merry Christmas? Bah humbug!! There is no God. Religion is the opiate of the masses. Christianity has been used to silence the poor and suffering. This conversation is always a winner over the table.
Talk About That Rash that Won’t Go Away- That itchy thing on your backside is no joke. The table would also probably appreciate you being willing to show it.
Announce That You Are a Communist- The only reason we even celebrate the Holidays is so that corporate sponsors can make money on people buying expensive crappy gifts and food. Yeah, they make the money while the poor people in the factories make squat. What’s to celebrate about perpetuating the lie that the rich are unhappy?
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