I try to consider myself one of those “I don’t read the tabloids because I have better things to do with my time" kind of women but, well, that’s a huge lie. Actually if you’re moderately media savvy, you can’t help but to know which celeb starlet and her rocker/actor/athlete boyfriend/husband have decided to have the newest must-have accessory, a child. This new trend is so irritating for those of us regular stay at home moms. And don’t even get me started on celeb women that get divorced and suddenly they become Superwoman. I’m sure I’m not the only one that wishes they’d just collapse into a big ball of melted plastic.
First there’s the media watch of when she’ll drop her bundle of joy and then there’s the grand display where they pimp (I mean “show”) their new baby to the world. And let’s be honest here, our kids are normally way cuter than their kids anyway. Yet a whole three weeks after giving birth, we’ll see said starlet showing off her post baby body, where she’s somehow lost 40 lbs. in 15 minutes. Then the magazine will do a spread with her where she’ll say that she’s managed to do lose all of that weight by eating a sensible balanced diet and working out 6 days a week. So she’s now back to 115 lbs, and you’re still holding on to that extra 20 lbs that you’ve put on since high school, and were’ not even going to start on the baby weight and flab. It’s so frustrating, it makes you want to throw your Doritos at her.
It ticks me off the most because they make it seem so hard, yet so easy. They say “Yeah, I work hard with my personal trainer Ricardo and I eat a light sensible dinner.” I’m raising my hand to call bullsh*t.
First, she has a personal trainer. Seriously, if we could afford a personal trainer who cost $100/hr to come to our homes and work out in our personal gyms, wouldn’t we all do it? Not only that, can I see a show of hands of the women that have a small village of nannies to tend to their new born pumpkins while they work their flabby butts off? And then don’t get me started on what a “sensible” dinner means. Having a healthy meal that tastes good can’t be that hard when you’ve got a classically trained personal chef to prepare meals in your home. I’d love to see a regular new mom get back into her pre-baby jeans eating just microwaved Lean Cuisine dinners. I’d bet all $5 in my son’s college fund that the personal chef’s meal is a lot healthier and taste a lot better. Of course we’ll probably never know that since the only chef you know of is Boy Ardee.
Those little starlets make it seem like they’ve sacrificed and worked so hard. They don’t work nearly as hard as the woman who has her baby and six weeks later she’s back at her office. And when she’s not at her office, rather than hitting the gym, she’s home with her new child because seriously, who can hit the gym when you’ve got a new child? Call me nuts (not that you’d be the first) but where are all of the hours in the day that allow for us to hit the gym for hours at a time after giving birth? Not only that, who’s trying to work hard to prepare a home cooked dinner at that time? When you’ve got a new born, your trips to the grocery store are quick and targeted. Who’s got time to read labels and go low-carb? Your new goal is to leave the grocery store before your new cherub makes you look like Neglectful Mommy of the Year by hollering because you didn’t pick him up and take him home the moment he started to fuss.
Now on to my other pet peeve- The Newly Divorced Celebrity Woman. I should probably pity her, but I truly see no reason to do so. Granted, she’s lucky to get away from her celebrity douche bag husband, I’ll give her that. But I get so annoyed when celeb women get divorced and they want to go crying to magazines about how they’re new women and shedding their skin, and blah blah blah. Give me a break. I don’t know too many women that haven’t had at least one long term asshole boyfriend or husband. It’s darned near a rite of passage. So what makes these women so fascinating because they got divorced? Personally, I wish I could have taken a long retreat to the Bahamas to clear my head when I broke up with my asshole boyfriend. Or sometimes those women will say how they stayed in bed for days at a time. Sorry sweetie, but when most of us have man troubles, we don’t have nannies and maids that tend to our kids and our homes while we comfort our inner child and pity ourselves from our bedrooms.
So there you have two of my many celeb pet peeves. I could fill an encyclopedia full of my celeb pet peeves, but I’ve got a family to tend to and I’ve got to get started on our dinner of boxed macaroni and cheese. I gave my personal chef the day off.
Toodles,
malika
